#But nobody is allowed to fuck up and get quietly kicked out - especially older adults because our existence here is already tentative

[cozza-frenzy]

Having a really normal one today, lads

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020 5 and 6 - Ice and Trick

Summary: Jackel Lavellan has pulled off another successful candy thrift. That stolen chocolate is about to come in handy as she encounters a frozen mage at the encampment that the rest seem to be avoiding. It’s probably the nonstop crying thing, right? Right?

Well... at least they’ll have a funny story about the time they met.

---

“Thanks, Josie!”

“You are indeed welcome, Jackel. If you see Kaaras, please tell him to stop by. I have some letters he needs to see.”

Most of that went over Jackel Lavellan's head as she peeled the wrapper off a chocolate and shoved it into her mouth. There were a few more in her pockets, three that the ambassador hadn't seen her grab. Why would she be looking, the box was clearly above her head.

Children usually used chairs. Assassins pretending to be children for the candy benefits knew better methods.

It was a cold day, so Jackel needed the energy anyway. It was bad when she had to put on shoes, and even with them her toes were aching from the chill. There was snow outside, and more was falling outside the window. More than anything she had the desire to stay inside... but that would mean remaining in Haven's Chantry.

Between freezing and the Maker, she'd take freezing handily.

Her sensitive ears ached with the sudden blast of cold that assaulted them when she opened the heavy door. She pulled her cloak higher as she edged carefully onto the route that would take her to where she was staying. Overnight, ice had formed wherever moisture had been. The soldiers and what have you broke most of it up, but the jagged shards still waiting for drunks an unsuspecting morons to cut their ankles open on it. Jackel would not be one of those, thank you very much.

At least the chocolate was good. Antivan chocolate always was.

“Now, where the fuck did Kaas get to?” This she muttered under her breath, switching languages so nobody threatened to tell on her for swearing. “I swear, if someone dragged him off again without letting me know...”

Jackel followed this up with some munching. The chocolate had since melted in her mouth, and the sweetness made her step a little quicker.  She wasn't sure if this was the stolen chocolate or the legit one – sometimes they tasted differently. Of course her family would claim that was unrealistic, but it wasn't like either of them were able to steal candy off the ambassador. What would they know?

Besides, you know, like magic and shit.

Speaking of – the mages were settling in to Haven now. Apart from some arguments among their former jailers bristling to see their captives as equals, it was a pretty smooth transition. Their time on the road during the mage war made adapting pretty easy. She would've almost said she was proud, except that wasn't a thing she did and they were human anyway. So fuck that.

Except...

Jackel stopped walking. It was hard to miss one of the mages, wrapped in a patched cloak and sitting on a stump near someone's tent. She had seen this one around, staring blankly at the floor or the wall. That was if they didn't start crying. They did that a lot.

She hated crying.

“Come on, Trevelyan. You need to eat something.”

An older mage was trying to force a bowl of something that smelled terrible into stumpy's bandaged hands. Actually... they were looking kind of rough. Their whole forehead was wrapped in bandages, now that Jackel was getting a better look. Add in the shaking hands, and she got the feeling she was watching a shell shocked circle mage adjust badly.

“I'm f-” tears welled in hazel eyes and were soon threatening to freeze. “Damn it all, I don't want to start crying again!”

Their voice cracked as the tears spilled down their wind-ruddied cheeks. Jackel's eyebrow cocked as she watched them furiously scrub at their face. It didn't stop the tears, but it did look pretty pathetic to anyone who was watching.

Which they weren't. It didn't take a genius to see the mages were avoiding looking at their fellow. They all had a look on their faces that made her stomach turn. Pity; she hated that more than anything. Judging by how the mage's face kept screwing up, they didn't like it much either.

Not that it was any of her business. She had Kaaras to find.

…

Yep, she had...

Fuck.

Something about that pathetic mage sitting there on a stump was doing awful things to Jackel. Already kicking herself, she changed direction towards the mage encampment. At the sight of her, some of them backed away. Stumpy didn't do anything except keep trying to dry their face.

“Are they picking on you?”

She went in childlike, better to observe. Her target stopped wiping their eyes and sniffed back mucus. They were older than her, but probably younger than 25. That should have suggested a Harrowed mage, but the robes were different, plainer. They weren't the apprentice kind either – plenty of awkward teens and young adults wearing those to know the difference. These were just... they told her nothing.

“Oh, uh, no, s-sorry. I uh-” tears appeared in their eyes again. “Damn it, when is that going to stop?!”

And then the mage started sobbing, hands pressed to their face. Jackel glanced upwards, towards the mage with the stew. They sighed, and a ladle went back into a pot. They then gently took her by the shoulder and guided her out of human earshot.

Normally she stabbed people for this, but her curiosity was eating away at her.

“Don't mind Trevelyan, kid.” Their voice dropped. “She's uh... she is – was? Honestly I don't know... but do you know what the Tranquil are?”

A cold shudder passed through Jackel's body. She had seen a few of them in camp, sporting burned foreheads and speaking in monotone. They were the mages who were no longer mages, cut off from the Fade as a way for the Circle to exert control over them. The ocularum were made from their skulls, or so a shaking Kaaras had told her after a bad mission.

Were they keeping her for a backup?

Still, the mage was waiting for an answer. She picked up her pitch just a little. “I thought Tranquil didn't cry.”

“Yeah, so did I.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the crunching  of feet on ice. Jackel turned to see Trevelyan there, wiping off her ruddy face with a sopping wet sleeve. Well, more like an icy one at this rate – the temperatures were dropping.

“I-I'm fine. Really.” Her voice shook still. “I think I saw you with the qunari man with the swords earlier? H-He...”

She sniffed again. “He was looking for you. I think I still know where he is if you want me to take you to him.”

Jackel wasn't sure what was more pathetic, that this mage who barely had it together was offering to help her, or that her disguise was so good that she seemed like she needed it. She should have said no, but there was something so damn sad about it that she almost felt a need to put one in the win column for this sad excuse for a mage.

Was she developing a sense of giving a fuck about humans? Perish the thought.

“Yeah, ok. Josie wanted to see him anyway. Lead the way.”

Together, the two left the mage encampment. The elf didn't miss the sigh of relief as her guide passed, nor how rigid her shoulders got whenever they grew near to someone. Tears were still beading in her eyes, but not quite icing up. She was trying.

It was still sad, but it was an effort none the less.

“My name's Jackel by the way, what's yours?”

After all, she couldn't keep calling her the sad sack stump sorcerer, now could she?

Trevelyan shrugged her shoulders. “Aeronwen. Nobody calls me that though. I guess I picked a bad one.”

She offered an awkward smile studded by tears. “They used to call me Trevy before everything happened, s-so if you want-”

And then she was crying again. “Damn it all, I'm not sad I swear!”

Trevy rubbed uselessly at her face again. When her hand brushed against the heavy bandages around her forehead, she winced and that caused even more tears. Jackel watched all of this without saying anything. After all, what could she say? Sorry you were made Tranquil and you seem to be coming out of it? Was that even a thing?

Had a mage even looked her over?

“Shit...” Trevy hiccuped back a sob as she scowled. “Sorry, Jackel. I don't think you're allowed to use that word.”

Jackel rolled her eyes in response. “I can use whatever damn word I want, have you seen a healer or what?”

Ok, maybe she was breaking character, but fuck it. Even she had limits.

At least the mage didn't look too surprised as she dried her eyes. “I had a feeling you were lying. Dalish elves have facial tattoos when they're adults.”

What a surprise, someone who actually knew something. Jackel had to admit she was impressed, especially considering Trevy probably spent a shit ton of years holed up in a tower. Then again, she probably just read all the time – the thought of it made her stomach turn.

Books, all day with nothing else to break up the monotony? Fuck that, it was her own personal nightmare.

Jackel responded by landing on Trevy's shoulder with a solid jump. Much to her displeasure, the mage was bony. Someone wasn't eating enough. Maybe that was why she fished one of her stolen chocolates out of her pocket and tossed it down.

“Don't tell Josephine where you got it from and I can cut you in.”

Trevy's trembling fingers soon popped the candy into her mouth. She chewed quietly, as if she was mulling it over. At least it helped her stop crying long enough for her face to dry off. The wind helped too – it tugged at both their clothes and the mage's unnaturally white hair.

“Alright, but what do you want in return? You don't seem the type to just be nice for nothing.”

It wasn't often that Jackel was caught off guard, much less rendered speechless. Apparently, she had been watched while she was doing the watching. Color her impressed for real this time. This one was alright.

Still... “It's cold out. My feet hurt.”

“Right, the Dalish aren't big on shoes.” Tears trickled down Trevy's face as she kept walking. “Well, you keep my neck warm.”

Jackel nodded as she spotted the house up ahead that probably held her cousin. “Sounds like we have an agreement then, Trevy.”

“I do work in the library some days, so I won't be available then.” Of course she did. “Any other time, sure. Now, let's go find Kaaras for you.”

And off they went, Jackel with her stolen chocolate and Trevy with her frozen tears and eye for details. If she didn't know better, the elf would have said it felt like it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. But she wasn't Varric, and she couldn't read anyway so it didn't matter.

She put those thoughts aside, however. Kaas needed finding, and then the mage who was guiding her around needed to go see a proper healer about that burned forehead and sudden need to cry her damn eyes out.

Good thing she had stolen a couple extra pieces. She got the feeling it was going to be a long day.